What does this mean? Well, for those who know me really well, or even kind of well, or even just spent a few minutes with me in the bar, you would know that I’m not exactly the kind of guy who is easily embarrassed. In fact, up until today I wasn’t completely convinced that I was even capable of being embarrassed at all. I’ve become so accustomed to saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, acting silly or just being an ass that I really thought that actual “Oh my God, I want to die or disappear” embarrassment was a figment of my adolescence.
I was wrong.
Today started out pretty innocuously. I got up, took the kids to school, got ready for work, sent some emails and worked out. Upon completing my workout I decided to add some levity to my wife’s otherwise stressful week with a series of funny and perhaps ribald texts. And so I did. What follows is a sampling of what I sent:
1. The following texts are for your viewing enjoyment. Do not feel obligated to reply. Just keep working & smiling. The management.
2. Seth has been working hard and busy all morning J -(reference to our son)
3. I’m done working out. Time for a cool down shower. Then I’ll be tired, cold and horny ;)
The next seven texts are not fit for a general admittance Facebook audience. Suffice it to say that they were of a personal nature fit only for a husband and wife. Besides, 3 of my kids are on Facebook and what I wrote just there alone is enough to make them throw up in their mouth.
No big deal right? I finish my shower, get dressed and head down stairs to peals of laughter coming from the nanny. I think we can all see were this is going.
“I’m guessing you didn’t mean these texts for me, right?” says she.
I could feel the deep crimson flush of embarrassment and attempted to simultaneously cover my face and keep myself from emitting expletives in front of my youngest child. “Oh my God, I can’t believe this…” was all I could say. I felt like one of those idiots that get picked for the price is right
“That was for my wife! I am so sorry,” was all I could muster as an explanation. She was still laughing at the whole thing. So I did the only mature thing in this situation. I left. Went straight to the local watering hole and had a club sandwich and a few beers.
So with enough liquid courage, I returned to my home office and locked the door. So here I sit.
Sooner or later I will have to leave my office. It will be like going to the chalk board in middle school with a boner. You don’t want to, but you have to and you know you’re going to be embarrassed.
Well, here’s to being human. ;)
