No I’m not talking about all my Baptist neighbors. I’m talking about those flying gangsters of the insect world. They fly around with their little fedoras and their even littler gold chains. “OK pal, we’re gonna take over your deck and in return for you leaving us alone and giving us use of the premises, we won’t sting the ever lovin’ crap out of you. Capisce?” I swear I saw one smoking a tiny cigarette with a wife beater t-shirt on.
Last week a group on of 10 biker wasps ran my wife off the deck and that was it. I channeled my inner Bruce Willis and started to arm myself. I went to Wal-Mart and picked up a set of six guns in the form of Raid Wasp Killer. I put on a poncho and with Sergio Leon music blaring I let them have it. I sprayed under the deck, in the benches and even dropped a couple out of mid air! I was an insecticidal maniac.
The next day it was far from over. They had gotten reinforcements and set up more nests. Back to Wal-Mart armory and back out to the deck. This time I had to tear the boards off to get to their "secret underground lairs" before they could fix tiny "lasers" to their foreheads. I was death from above, and with a lethal “judo chop” I crushed their evil plans baby.
Today, they have returned and I can see that serious carpentry is in order. The built in benches need to be torn out. They were never very comfortable anyway. No more hiding. I’ve posted their little head on toothpicks around the railing as a warning to the others. Steve Luby will not be intimidated by some arthropod sub species! I tried to make a necklace of stingers but my eyes aren’t what they used to be and it would be poky, so for now I’ll stick with the head thing.
It’s far from over, but I’m in this for the long haul. Sure it’s mainly for my family to be able to enjoy our yard in peace and safety. But it’s also for the manly assertion of human dominance over a hostile, savage insect takeover. This isn’t just the American way; it’s for the survival of all humanity! Or maybe I’ve been inhaling waaaay too much bug killer over the last couple of days. Whatever. It’s still on :)
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